A NEW BEGINNING
I've
been putting off creating this blog about my new life. This new
lifestyle was actually shoved down my throat when God decided He needed
my husband (Paul) MORE than He thought I did. And today, I STILL do not
understand, but I know that "someday" I will. So, now all I have to
decide is "where do I begin?". Do I begin recording the events and
feelings I've experienced since I buried my precious Paul? Most of
those posts would be about grieving. I have NEVER EVER felt so
empty and totally lost. I even needed someone to tell me to brush my
teeth or when to eat. I can't imagine ANYONE wanting to follow a blog
or journal of someone going through all of the negative and painful
moments that I'm going through. The last several months have been an
emotional roller-coaster. But I had many many loving Christian "angels"
surrounding me with love and encouragement, and reminding me of all of
God's promises. Those wonderful folks convinced me that they were
CERTAIN that I could and would get through this loss, because God also
loves me too and wants me to be happy.
So
now in this new blog I'm gonna try to continue sharing my journey. My
first blog ("Abundant Blessings Found In Shattered Dreams") was
something that helped me get through Paul's illness. Not one day has
gone by that I haven't thought of Paul. But miraculously, life goes
on. I will always miss sharing this life with my darling Paul.
I've been divorced before and when Paul died I sort of thought I would just dry the tears, tough it out, pick up the pieces, and plow ahead in life. Oh no. This is sooooo different.
This loss,
this pain, is absolutely
nothing like divorce. This loss makes a divorce seem like a cake-walk. I had no idea it would be this way. This is not an event you EVER get over, ever.
But even in grief, life requires you to continue to make day-to-day decisions regarding the future. Some easy, some very difficult. Some days I still can't even get out of bed, especially if that day requires making huge decisions. I used to be so strong, self-propelled, fearless, driven towards accomplishing goals, extremely capable of making solid decisions based on research and thinking realistically. Those are characteristics that had first attracted Paul to me in 1993. But I've changed since he died, where has that woman gone? For a gal who's been so very independent I am now questioning every single decision I make. Always polling my family and friends for input, unsure of my own judgement, sometimes trembling with trepidation. Oh dear, will I always be this way? I hope this is just a temporary part of the grieving process.
In August I concluded that I needed to buy a home and decided to follow through with our original dreams of retiring into an RV fulltime. We had already spent over 2 years planning and researching the lifestyle so I was armed with tons of knowledge and information. It didn't take long before the perfect used RV was located (another blessing?). Traded in our big van on an appropriate little used car for towing, and within no time, my rig became a reality. I was overwhelmed at just how simple and quick things happened, and could only believe it had to be God's plan for me.
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| 2008 Tiffin 42' Allegro Bus with 5,200 miles |
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| 2009 Honda CRV |
With lots of emotional and physical support from wonderful friends and my family my "stuff" was loaded into the RV and I took off. Looking back, I think I was trying to run away from all of the "familiar" situations, people, and places that constantly reminded me of memories with Paul. I soon found out there's no running away from grief.
It was pretty scary at first and would take me at least 3-4 hours of "departure preparations" before I could actually drive away, and then another 3-4 hours of "arrival preparations". Now I can be ready in under an hour!!
The first little trip was from Lafayette to New Orleans for a weekend to visit with my son Ben (who is there in dental school). Returned to Lafayette.
The second trip took me to Mobile (Daphne), AL for a visit with my daughter Christa. My granddaughter Brittany spent a couple of days with me at Bella Terra Resort. We had such fun! Here's a photo of my first co-pilot, Brittany, on our way to the Bella Terra RV Resort for a weekend! I think she was quite unsure at first if her grandmother could handle this big rig!! Rocky reassured her.
Hooking up at Belle Terra RV Resort in Foley, Alabama.
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| Plumber! |
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| Electrician! |
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| These sites are privately owned and rented out when the owners are traveling. We enjoyed their lovely patio and outdoor kitchen. There is a lovely lake right out front, beautifully landscaped. Brittany swam in a huge pool located near the clubhouse. |
From there I traveled to Red Bay, AL where my Allegro Bus was manufactured by Tiffin Motorhomes. Had some items checked out and repaired and also added a few gizmos to help make life easier and safer.
Stayed there in Red Bay, AL in the Tiffin Service Campground for 2 weeks, surrounded by nothing but Tiffins and made some wonderful friendships. Several couples invited me to join them for meals and companionship while we all waited as work was being done on our coaches. Paul had only been gone 3 months and it was a struggle for me to sometimes watch these happy couples sharing life together. One lovely woman, Leslie Bisbee, reached out to me in my grief. A very special friend who still contacts me often. Here's Leslie and Terry Bisbee, terrific folks!!
For the first time in many months I socialized with friends, had fun, and laughed. Plus I learned a lot about my coach.
Visited "The Coon Dog Cemetery" just north of Red Bay, AL.
A group of us went out for dinner at a most unusual place (The Rattlesnake Saloon). You parked your car in a parking lot, then waited for the "shuttle" (the back of an old pick-up truck) to pick you up and drive you way down into a huge cave where you could enjoy a live band while eating delicious burgers!
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| Riding the "taxi" down into the restaurant/cave. |
Drove back to Lafayette for a while.
